7 Things I've Learned in My 7 Years Living in Nashville
I’ve been living in Nashville for over 7 years now. This has come with an absolute plethora of ups and downs, wins and losses, tragedies and epiphanies. After graduating from TSU with my undergraduate degree in Psychology, I didn’t realize what I was getting myself into by deciding to get an apartment about thirty to thirty-five minutes away from the bustling city. Nashville is truly a city that forces you to make decisions in the blink of an eye, and there are times where you can become so bored that you can write and narrate monologues in your own mind.
I. cooking is my favourite therapy
photo by h.denae
Aside from actually seeing my therapist regularly, cooking is one of the most therapeutic activities for me. When I’m feeling extremely angry or upset, cooking a large meal will usually tire me out to where I’m too exhausted to remain angry at the situation. One of my favorite meals to make is fried rice and salmon with arugula. Frying rice is very messy whenever I cook and over the years, I’ve learned how to contain the rice in the pan. I really enjoy good takeaway, but my own meal preps are what leaves me feeling the best throughout the week. I normally eat a lot of rice and baked chicken for my meal preps during the week, whenever I’m feeling up to cooking. Last spring, I found some very great cookware at TJ Maxx in Smyrna, TN. I, personally, like very sleek and light cookware because I feel a lot of tension in my wrists when straining pasta or rice.
banana and chocolate chip overnight oats by h.denae
From a previous job, I did a lot of cooking for my clients and it’s one of my favorite activities to do at work. Whether I was teaching them how to cook or whipping something up in a hurry because we’re falling behind on our schedule, watching other people enjoy what I’ve cooked is a very nerve-wracking but warming experience. I’ve never been a great cook, but with a lot of practice and failures over the years, I’ve learned what works and what doesn’t in the kitchen. One of my most popular dishes I used to make for my clients was my overnight oats. I found a very interesting recipe online and had always wanted to try to humor myself and try recreating the dish. Over the fall months, I had made apple pie overnight oats, blueberry overnight oats, banana & chocolate chip overnight oats, and pumpkin spice overnight oats. Considering the different nutritional requests and requirements, I was able to create my own recipe that worked well and was very enjoyable. I do hope to continue learning and perfecting new recipes over time. I had almost never cooked for myself before living on my own, and I probably never would’ve began trying had I not lived on my own for several years.
ii. i love orthodoxy
Psalter and the Theotokos photo by h.denae
Throughout my years living in Nashville, I’ve tried so many different churches and none of them have made an impact like Orthodox Christianity has. I’ve tried a couple Baptist churches, Pentacostal churches, “international church of christ” churches, and so forth. I’ve had many ups and downs being a part of these different churches, as well as some deeply harrowing spiritual trauma. Coming out of the last category I had been a part of for three long years, I was gently encouraged to attend a drum circle at a small Orthodox parish in Murfreesboro. Living day to day as if a large velvet curtain laid upon my head, separating me from God, the moment I stepped foot on the parish’s property I felt at peace for the first time in a long time. I remember feeling connected to everyone although I hadn’t spoken a word to anyone just yet. It felt very homey and comforting before I had even formally met anyone. Little did I know that this parish would change who I am and how I see myself in the world forever.
Saint Dymphna, Patron Saint of Mental Illness & Anxiety Support
Learning of the different Saints and re-learning what it means to be like Christ in the world was beyond inspiring to me. Naturally, Orthodox Christianity is very poetic and ancient. Initially, what drew me in was the overwhelming sense of inner peace that I felt every time I entered. The prayers, the chanting, the candles, the incense, the genuine sincerity and plea for mercy to God before we ask anything from Him. To this day, I’m still in awe at the reverence Orthodox Christians show to God, Christ, the Theotokos, and all the Saints. I would love to be chrismated into the Orthodox church one day, and as I continue to learn and experience life through a different lens, I understand how important it is to take my time and heal from past spiritual trauma and experiences as well.
iii. fun is everywhere
There is zero shortage of fun activities in Nashville. Nashville is a city of endless fun and experiences, as long of those experiences are far, far away from Broadway Street! One of my favorite activities downtown would have to be go-kart racing near Nissan Stadium. I’m naturally a very competitive person at heart and I will never turn down any type of challenge (within reason). I always try to go over and above when it comes to proving myself and what I can accomplish on my own. Go-kart racing is the perfect place to either inflate or deflate my pride. There was a time where we did get flagged and timed-out for drifting the go-karts, because apparently that isn’t allowed, although it’s the easier way to round a corner and pass someone. Regardless, I have been several times and have never shied away from a good competitive game. Granted, the only time I’ve gotten first place was against my younger sibling.
photo of me by h.denae
photo by h.denae
Whether it be car meets, shows, or street races, I wanted to be a part of all of it. Living fast in Nashville is very fun but it does wear you down fairly quickly in time. It’s truly hard to believe that I went from being at the hottest car meet in Nashville on the weekends to cozying up on my couch with fairy lights, reading good book or watching a movie. I do love thrilling and exciting events, but I’m an introvert at heart and I will exhaust myself very quickly. Lately, I’ve been spending most of my time at little cafes in Smyrna, writing and reading by myself in the corner. It’s wonderful when the staff know you well enough that you don’t even need to go through the hassle of explaining why you would like cream in your tea. I was never able to get into the party/club scene. Car meets were simple enough where once you needed to socially recharge, you could retreat to your car for some time, and no one would think anything of it.
iv. an amazing friendship is possible
In case you’re new to hearing about my life or new to my social media in general, Kashaf is my best friend. After going through an awkward and challenging time in high school and my earlier years in college, every close friendship I’d ever had up until then had failed. I prayed about finding one amazing friend and sort of put it on the backburner as I tried to navigate through college as an outcast. I was actually teased and made fun of by a previous roommate for spending so much time in my room reading. I had overheard her calling me “boring” and “weird” so many times to her two friends, and the next year I published my first novel… and she flunked out and had to move back home. All that to say, I was and am still very different and function differently than “most people” did in college. I was always looking ahead and thinking about outcomes and consequences before acting out on things. I knew I had big goals, so I took the time to sit and map them out with any and all free time that I had to myself. I didn’t think I’d ever find someone who had enough patience and understanding to deal with the shortcomings and outbursts just as much as the good times and accomplishments. I met Kashaf in our Black Psychology class and we sat somewhat near each other. To no one’s surprise, a fight broke out in the class and either me or her had filmed this and saved the video from Snapchat. We exchanged usernames and would chat from time to time via Snapchat.
photo by Kashaf Iqbal
selfie! photo by Kashaf Iqbal 2022
It wasn’t until about a month or so later where we hung out for the first time at a restaurant in Antioch called “Plaza Mariachi”, which is still there. I remember that night being so fun; there was a live band playing and we took so many selfies that night. After this, we started hanging out here and there. I noticed she drove a Honda s2000. Kashaf was telling me how she was very into cars, and I started going to car meets with her. At the time, I knew very little about cars, and fell in love with getting to know different types of cars and modifications. Not to mention, Kashaf basically ran the car scene in Nashville during this time. Kashaf’s brand Touge was taking off with a lot of merch and apparel and it was amazing to watch her handle several different businesses during this time. The car scene gained so much attention around this time, that Vice News came down and featured her in one of their documentaries on car scenes in different major cities. Over the years, we had so many ups and downs in each of our lives and these moments seemed to always bring us together, rather than pull us apart. We both had a mutual understanding of one another’s tendencies, beliefs, values, culture and temperaments, and we were able to navigate, respect, and participate in each other’s lives over the years. I had never met such a genuine, compassionate, caring, understanding, patient, intelligent, and beautiful person inside and out until I’d met Kashaf. Our friendship has taught me so many meaningful things that have made me a better person over the years. I’m excited to see all that we’ll accomplish and experience in the many years to come!
v. great food is everywhere
Nashville is known as music city, but it’s also known for the hundreds upon hundreds of restaurants all over and around the city. There was a news article circulating a few years ago, stating that you could try a different restaurant in Nashville every single day and would never have enough time in your life to try them all- possibly because of the caloric intake. Some of the best food and experiences I’ve had are at restaurants in Nashville. Although a lot of downtown has become heavily gentrified and cliche since moving here, there are still many great places to try outside of the city as well. One of Kashaf and I’s favorite hobby is trying some of the fanciest restaurants around town on our days off from work. As someone who lives within my own head 90% of the time, I do enjoy stepping outside of my own creativity to see more of what Nashville has to offer while I’m still living here.
‘solo brunch’ photo by h.denae
Surreal Spice Creations in Antioch, TN
While talking about the joys of trying new and exciting restaurants, it would behoove me to bring up the dark pleasure of ordering instant takeaway. Imagine being surrounded by any type of restaurant you can desire from any culture and all of it being within a 10-mile radius of being delivered. This is the struggle of living and working in Nashville. Food delivery is great, but working in such a fast-paced environment numbs you to your immediate surroundings and the importance of remaining present within yourself. Having the access to hundreds of different food establishments and the means to order from them can become a dangerous and costly habit. Granted, there are healthier options available aside from major food chains, although “fast” and “instantaneous” can seem like a much more logical decision in terms of finding something to eat on a short break. Having the opportunity to choose from so many different places is a huge change of pace from growing up in a small town, so it did take some time to adjust and mature with my own decision making.
vi. finding your “safe place” is essential
Nashville can be the most fun and exciting place in the world, but it is also very chaotic and can be very traumatic. So many major events take place in such a large city; it’s not hard to be pulled down into depression when nothing seems to be working out the way you’ve planned. Finding your “safe place” or “happy place” in your mind is one thing that has kept me going. Granted, my happy place has changed over the years, but has remained constant for the last few. I’m a maladaptive daydreamer, but I have developed the willpower to control it. My safe place is ultimately in my own imagination, but all the decor in my apartment is inspired by and encourages it. It’s a beautiful thing to temporarily disconnect from the chaos and immerse yourself in a place or person that brings you peace. I won’t go into a lot of detail about my own safe person, but at least know that it is the one and only Severus Snape.
Severus Tobias Snape, HP&TGOF
Severus Tobias Snape, HP & DH I
Over the last few years, I’ve been working in the mental health field. I have learned so many things working in the field than I ever did in the classroom. Unfortunately, our entire country is experiencing a mental health crisis, and so many people need help. Being in the mental health field is very rewarding, and it’s truly amazing to see people make significant progress and thrive. On the flip side, when people are at their lowest, is usually where I’m called to be present. Seeing a lot of meltdowns and outbursts firsthand does take a toll on you mentally. It’s very easy to bring these problems home with you, which is where you begin to learn different ways to help you disconnect. My favorite place to be is within my own imagination, which is my own version of Hogwarts, with my own lifestyle and relationships. Granted, this can be unhealthy without the right boundaries set in place, as can anything else. Based on the field that I work in, the types of encounters I have and crises I have seen, I find that this is one of my favorite ways to decompress after an absolutely wild day.
vii. time with family means so much more
Homesickness is real, thankfully, I rarely experience this due to the pace of my lifestyle. I do, however, experience heavy nostalgia. After about five to six months of being away from home at a time, I do begin to come homesick and arrange a flight home. The hardest part about visiting home is leaving and going back to Nashville. Once I spend time with my family, I’m reminded of how this moment is just as fun as it was five or ten years ago, and I don’t want to leave. Whenever I’m visiting family, I tend to go a bit overboard in terms of making time for everybody and making plans to the point of exhaustion. I do love being at my mom’s and not having to be a full-blown adult for a while. I don’t have to worry about running so many errands by myself, always being on high alert to my surroundings, and no grocery shopping!
photo by h.denae
photo by h.denae
Family get-togethers mean the world to me whenever I’m visiting and I never want them to end, no matter how late it is. The downside of living out of state and working full time, is that you will inevitably miss some major events and gatherings. I try my best to make up for birthdays and lost time by going overboard, because I can. I believe that being away for a period of time allows me to cherish the moments I have with family when I visit. Knowing that my time is limited when visiting, allows me to live in the moment and be myself. I enjoy reconnecting with friends from my childhood, marching band, or high school and watching them evolve over time as I have as well. Seeing new shops or restaurants open that weren’t there last time I visited, or seeing a new housing plan or school being built is all exciting to me. All of these factors help me to live in the moment and enjoy life even more.
This was a very fun and emotional blog post for me to write. I had so many more topics to include but realized I had already reached #7. I do hope to incorporate some of the other things I’ve learned into this blog over time. Moving to a new city and learning to live on your own is a major accomplishment, and I feel people who do this don’t get enough credit for being absolutely fearless and vulnerable.
photo by h.denae