How I Get into My Zone for Photoshoots
Photography by Kashaf Iqbal
Inspiration
Every artist, no matter what you specialize in, need inspiration to draw from. It’s isn’t easy when it comes to putting the perfect photoshoot together. There are many things to take into account, such as the scenery, outfit, makeup, weather, lighting, etc. There are periods of time where I’m unable to come up with new ideas. Personally, I usually begin to pray and then I spend time living life. It’s nearly impossible to be inspired whenever you haven’t been living life yourself. Instead of scrolling endlessly through Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook; get out there and live.
After awhile I get a feel for what I want to do that I haven’t done yet. I have a certain taste in fashion, but it’s also never a bad idea to step outside of your comfort zone; you never know how things will turn out. For this particular photoshoot, I knew I wanted the opposite of what I’ve ever done in any other shoot. Since it technically still is wintertime, I took advantage of the sales going on for boots. Pointed-toe shoes are actually the only shoes I wear for special occasions; it’s just my personal taste. I drew much inspiration from Rihanna and I was obsessed with how amazing she looked in pointed-toe shoes. One day I tried them out for myself about three years ago, when I purchased my first pair of Calvin Klein’s shoes. It’s been history since then.
I don’t “follow” anybody on social media. I find mentors and people that I look up to; people that I could easily speak to and ask general questions/advice. I have and always will look up to Rihanna, but I’m currently going through a Kim Kardashian ideation phase. Not her as a personality but Kim as a businesswoman is very appealing to me. Many people condemn her for flaws, which we all have, but her ability to juggle several businesses at once stood out to me. The diva lifestyle is something I’ve always wanted and something I’m always working toward. I want to be good at what I do, get paid fairly for my skills, and look good while doing it. Every photoshoot I do is for me… It’s not to impress anyone, it’s a very personal experience for me. It’s a testament to my own progress and how I am evolving as a woman. That’s one of the reasons why I hold onto the pictures for a couple days before posting them on social media. It’s not self-idolizing or narcissism; it’s me showing myself that I’m evolving and growing into the woman that I want to be, because I very often feel like a total failure.
Outfit Planning
This is probably the craziest part of putting together a photoshoot. I had these crazy, abstract ideas and I had no idea how they were going to tie in together. I was scrolling through Nordstrom one day; I was super bored. I come across the perfect shoes. I hesitated back and forth between the different colors for several hours… And if you know anything about Nordstrom, you know stuff sells out rapidly, so there really isn’t time to think. The deal was so good, that I thought it was too good to be true, so I waited a few days. Within those hours, the colors I wasn’t sure about sold out in my size, so that definitely narrowed down my search. I wanted to go for a diva look; a look that motivated me for 2020. I went out with my best friend, and with much trial and error, we were able to put together the perfect look for my first shoot of 2020.
I knew that I had a bad habit of wearing all black for photo shoots, and I wanted to do something off the wall. The idea of throwing neon into a shoot was scary; I wasn’t sure I could pull it off. I had been praying for an affordable path to be shown and it was. I was able to put the outfit together fairly quickly with no hiccups or issues thankfully. Neon yellow kept appearing everywhere I looked, no matter where I want. Whether I was online or in-store, the color was available and within my price range. I could see the outfit in my mind, but when it physically came together in my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking about how awesome this shoot was going to be.
I’ve always had issues with my body and my appearance. Everything think it’s crazy, but I still to this day have those same issues. I’ve literally been every size that exists. I’ve been wither away skinny all the way up to about where I am, which is the heaviest I’ve ever been. My weight fluctuates up and down sometimes drastically, sometimes not as dramatically. Whenever I do a photoshoot, it’s a reminder than I can kill it at any size. I know in three or four months I’ll probably be much lighter than I am now, because that’s how my body works, but the point is to love my body in all phases and stages of my life. I’m working to understand that there isn’t a standard I need to hold myself to. I’m as gorgeous as I allow myself to be, and for this shoot I chose to go all out and be drop-dead gorgeous.
Visualization
Since attending the Orthodox church, I am in Murfreesboro, Tennessee very often. It’s inevitable to pass The Avenue mall just on my regular commutes to several different places. The Medical Center Blvd area looked very appealing to me. I didn’t want to be anywhere near downtown Nashville. I hold nothing against Nashville besides the traffic, but I really wanted to explore a different part of Tennessee. I started to develop somewhat of a crush on the more well-kept part of Murfreesboro. I remember walking around the outdoor shopping district months ago and envisioning having the perfect photoshoot there.
I never disclose my current active location until hours after I have left the location, just for my own safety. I knew I wanted to do a shoot in Murfreesboro but I would hint toward Nashville, because it bothers me when people speculate and start being weird and stalk-ish. Taking into consideration the time of day, type of day, weather, time of year is very important when planning as well. I have a very odd social anxiety, where I cannot be in the presence of too many people or I become entirely overwhelmed and I cannot think clearly. Every time I do a photoshoot, I don’t invite people or have people come and support, only the people that are working with me can be there. As I mentioned before, photoshoots are very personal to me. I taken them very seriously and I can only have people with great intentions there.
The other major reason that I do photoshoots is because it adds valuable content to my social and online profile. People see that I take my brand and appearance seriously, by the amount of time I invest in creating the best quality content that I possibly can. I don’t do photoshoots for fun, I do it because I take my future very seriously and I want investors and people who’ve made it before me to see that I’m not playing around when it comes to being the best at what I do. I’m working to be the best at my craft and to look my best while doing it. It’s vital to continue building your online and social profile if you want to be successful and progressive.
Diet and Detoxing
As I said before, I am very self conscious about feeling bloated and such, so I do everything in my power to eliminate that by detoxing heavy before the photoshoot. I recently started taking several inexpensive supplements that help my body eliminate any toxins that might be making me feel gross. I take a gummy version of apple cider vinegar that I find is super refreshing in the morning. Although it definitely smells like the real thing, if you eat them quick enough, it won’t taste like the real thing. I also drink mainly iced water and green tea, because I find those are very soothing for me whenever I feel like my mood is a little off during the day.
For this photoshoot I didn’t do too well with the drinks, because I did have a Sprite the week of the shoot (I’m like addicted to Sprite), but then I quickly switched to Perrier or mineral water. I stick to a very strict pescatarian diet, because I get lenient every now and then and I might eat chicken or sausage every now and again. I also try to make sure to drink a few ounces of Kombucha every day. I overload with spinach, arugula, and onions within my diet, just to enhance the detox process.
My goal for every photoshoot is to feel as comfortable as I possible can, so that I can really focus on the present and not how gross I feel because I pigged out. I watched a few of the newest episodes of KUWTK, and the girls would also follow a very similar process between their photoshoot schedules. Granted, they have a lot more photoshoots in a week than I usually do in a year, but I’m fairly new to the process of plus size modeling or even modeling in general. I’m excited at every opportunity to improve although I usually rely on the photographer to point me in the right direction and to tell me what to do.
Mental Preparation / Personality
Many of you do know that I suffer from BPD, which is a very extreme personality disorder. Over the years I have learned my triggers and I’ve found ways to manipulate my own mind for my benefit. It’s very easy for me to slip into a certain personality, when I am constantly exposed to a certain type of behavior. Because I have such a chameleon-like personality, it’s easy for me to adopt it, almost like a “phase”, but once the exposure stops, the “phase” fades away as well. That’s as deep as I’m going to go into explanation, because it’s my business and I’m only going to share what I want to.
I wanted to match the tone of the outfit that had been put together, which meant I had to tap into my “diva” personality, which it’s the hardest one for me to put on and take off. Connecting the idea of inspiration and exposure is how I am able to tap into my glamorous side. One album I listened to at least once a day everyday was Lecrae’s new album with Zaytoven ‘Let the Trap Say Amen’. It matched the tone I was trying for this shoot exactly, and I was able to channel that energy effortlessly by photoshoot time. Sprinkling a dash of Kim Kardashian’s diva-like personality on top, I had everything I needed to make it through a photoshoot.
I get extremely nervous whenever I first begin a photoshoot. Sometimes I’m shaking or my heart is racing, but after awhile I’m just like “Screw it, I didn’t get this cute to be nervous and half-ass this”, and I’m able to relax and get into my zone. I like to keep things light and silly during a photoshoot. I think it’s important to never take yourself too seriously. People that were watching me actually thought I was some type of celebrity, and I was like “no, but I appreciate the compliment”. There’s a type of adrenaline rush I feel halfway through a shoot, where I literally don’t want it to end. I want to be as beautiful as I am in this moment forever, and each shoot is a reminder than I always can be. No matter how tough life gets or how much I feel like a failure, I’m progressing forward. Progress is progress, and there’s nothing wrong with evolving into a better version of yourself.